Tomorrow is a holiday I eagerly await each year; when the whole world gets into the act I maintain every day.....

The merciless torment of the gullible. Oh, the possibilities this year.

Let's not misuse our gifts... With great power comes greater responsibility.

Yeah, I was tired. I'm still tired, and it was two days ago. My frame of mind has improved, though. To think I was just days ago I said to someone else, "Look, you've done say 20 or 30 auditions in the past month, done very very well at pretty much all of them, and you have one audition which you think MAY have been less than stellar.. and what do you focus on?"

Then the same thing happens to me.

It goes to show that you're most affronted by witnessing in others those things in which are in your own nature.

Somebody post a funny comment or something. It's cold and rainy. I have nothing to do.
Pizza is calling me. . . . . . . . . .

UPDATE: Just watched something called "Heat Vision and Jack," which is an unsold pilot from a few years ago. BRILLIANTly funny. Too good for the troglodyte viewing public that keep "The Bachelor" and "Joe Millionaire" on the air. You have to see this. If you have ways to get hold of such things, find it, you won't regret the time or effort. If you want a copy from me... well, I'm looking for something, too, and it's hard to find. Anyone who can help me get a copy of the demo CD for Charles Strouse's STAR WARS musical, mp3s or whatever, I'll .. I'll... be glad? I have the other, less "official" Star Wars musical, but I want to hear this other one. Thoughts? E-mail me.

I've come to a few important conclusions today.

First of all, I'm a dumbass.

I'm dog tired, which probably contributes to or explains this all, but I'm kinda down simply because I didn't absolutely nail, totally knock out of the park, two callbacks I had today. By that I mean I did fine - very well, in fact - but I'm just not satisfied for some reason. Thing is, I'm actually swimming in work - job offers to beat the band, knock on wood and no jinxes allowed. So I have no pressure, I'm happy with what's out there. Still, I keep auditioning, because... it's my job, and freakishly enough I like auditioning. Most of the time.

For the past several weeks pretty much every audition and callback I've had, save two, has been really solid. Yesterday, though, I barely squeaked through to get to today's (probably) final round of callbacks for Fred in the "Kiss Me Kate" tour. Though today's callback for that went well, I felt I could've done much better and that perhaps my (personally perceived) level of performance at the previous callback could be a factor in casting. Totally second-guessing both myself and the casting people with no tangible reason.
Before the KMK callback today I sang for a big Cameron Mackintosh cruise show for Jean Ann Ryan Productions. Sang well, got a callback to "move," around 4, which just fit the schedule. It was the last thing in my day, my week, and it's a dance callback.

After they sang me, they talked amongst themselves, passed my resume around, then said, smiling, " You didn't come to our dance call, so I'm guessing you're not a dancer? Do you move?
Standard answer I give to that, "Well, I walk upright. I move."
Ha ha, ha ha ha courtesy laugh, "Well, would you be willing to come in and take a combination from us at 4?"
"Sure."
"It's just so we can know where to place you, we don't expect you to 'dance', per se."

So I went, and didn't really stink up the floor... maybe just left a slight lingering odor. I could've hit that a little better. Then again, they'd probably expect me to dance if I did much better and that's just crazy talk. Though rationally I think I gave a very hireable kind of audition, especially vocally, I'm not confident about it. Again with the second guessing. Now I'm kind of depressed, for no good reason, because rationally I know I gave two reasonably good auditions. However, I've been doing this long enough to know that reasonably good will get you called back but not necessarily hired.Why worry? I already have far more work than I can take, and am trying to solve the problems of making it all fit. Apparently I have two levels of self-confidence right now: A) Comic-book hero self-assured, or B) Early John Cusack character self-conscious/morose. I think I'm just tired. No more auditions for a while, anyway.

Other thing I noticed today, that is actually far more interesting than my petty headtrip...
At most callbacks I go to, after a point, I see the same few guys. Add and subtract a few guys here and there and it's the same group. Many of us have become friendly without ever having otherwise met or spent time together. Today, for example, was the second and final round of callbacks for the lead in a national tour, and I honestly would be glad to know if any one of the guys from the group I regularly see got it. We're all generally friendly with and supportive of each other, genuinely wishing one another luck even when we're out for the same jobs. This isn't true of everyone, I just notice it's especially true of the five or six guys I see everywhere.
TERRIBLE GENERALIZATION AHEAD.
This is quite obvious... It's harder, much harder for women. Auditions for women, especially at dance calls... well, they can be so mean to each other. It's almost sad ... no, no, it is sad to watch. Very Funny and Very Sad. Trying to outstretch everyone else, or otherwise warm up more impressively than one another; wearing skimpier dance clothes, or taking up as much space as possible primping in the mirror-wall.
Now, it's common for people to come to an audition and discreetly change into dancewear... but yesterday I kid you not a girl struts in to the holding room full of men and women, makes a fuss of setting down her bulky things, and undressed. Right there, in the holding room, undressed and put on her dance clothes. Nothing discreet or unobtrusive about it. It's all insecurity, and with some girls you see the same feeling manifest itself in the opposite way - eye-darting, is-anybody-watching-me, self-consciousness. I can see where the whole thing could be really damaging to a frail psyche, to be a woman in theatre, especially in the beginning. To watch the people who can't enter an audition room without making a loud, obnoxious squeal at the sight of someone they met once (who at this audition of course is their best friend from way back...) Of course, there are men who do these things, too... but it's just funny when men do it. It doesn't have the same effect.

In short, power to the women in theatre who keep their heads on straight and remain self-assured and independent in the face of all that.

It's no wonder we theatre people are so ... interesting.

I'll stop vomiting words onto the page now. Longest.... entry.... ever... how much will I read later and cut?

Yes, we're at war. A seriously terrible thing, to be sure.
However, isn't it probably best that we go about our daily duties, working playing, laughing as much as possible, while respectful of that fact?
I'm not in favor of this war, but we're in it and we can't just "stop" being at war. It has a course that must be run. I wish it hadn't started but, as a military friend of mine once said "once begun it must be done."
So much ill will generated by people whose motives for pointless sighs have nothing to do with loved ones in harm's way.
I'm all for protest in every constructive form, but it isn't necessary for us to lead a joyless existence. No one in the field wants us that way, and let's face it: THEY have cause for fear and worry. Let's let them do their jobs, pray for them, and revel in the freedom to do and say as we please.

Don't construe this as any kind of endorsement or support for the "reasons" for this conflict; I simply believe that diplomatically and idealistically we have been painted into a corner by our "elected" government. Simply pulling out now would perhaps be more damaging in many ways than continuing.

I have awakened at 4 a.m. for two days in a row. Voluntarily.

Tomorrow, I sleep.

Yesterday's post was not an attempt at silly typical blog-poetry. It was just me getting carried away with a stream of consciousness about my day start to finish.

I was going to put an example of ridiculous self-indulgent bloggerous poetry here, but all attempts to satirize a little stanza seemed too real. Nothing went far enough. So...

For the first time, I shall place a request for reply here: in the comments, write an example of bad poetry about some aspect of the war. Desire for peace, objection, love for war, end of the world, whatever. Put yourself in the person of a bad songwriter, an angst-ridden teenage outcast, or any person with a blog and make me laugh. One rule: Nothing that in any way disparages our troops in the field. I deleted two posts about that.

Other than that, don't be afraid to be offensive as long as it's funny. Chop chop!

We interrupt this broadcast.
SPECIAL REPORT.
Rat-a-tat-tat-tat.
(siren)
kaboom.

dark unfamiliar city skyline with no apparent motion
boom
think I'll play jedi Knight II

morning
train
audition - callback Monday
train
blister on left foot
ow ___ ow ___ ow ___ ow

train stops at union square
ignorant protest leader
really want to be on his side
but with every word he defeats himself
not helping his own cause
dozens of umbrellas gathered around
listless signs
poorly made signs

i keep going
ow_ow_ow_ow

other callback
goes okay
decide to skip last callback of day
reschedule
ow_ow_ow_ow

union square
someone smarter has taken the mic
makes good
unquestionable
er, less questionable points
crowd cheers
signs wave

not sure how i feel
staring
know i don't know if the whole thing is necessary
my feelings are irrelevant
i decide
it's already happening
and all i can do
is pray it ends as well as it can and soon
pray for the people doing this job for us
whether we think we asked them to or not

protesters shout "down with u.s."
in union square
thank god we live where we can say that
while our friends are across the world
doing all the work

train
ow___ow___ow___ow
rachel
ice cream
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Haven't done much all weekend; no auditions appealed to me and I probably won't hit a new one until Wednesday. Hopefully good things will come of all the callbacks from last week.

Everyone check out www.bobfromaccounting.com, read the article I wrote (about "same-self benefits", linked from the front page), write the editorial staff, and demand more - MORE from me.

Thanks.

I've missed New York.

I can't actually convey completely why I feel that way right now.

This return has made me feel as I never have that I really should stay in or near New York - that New York is no longer just a utilitarian location for me to get work here and there but instead is a place from which my life should revolve. A place where I should anchor myself. I don't see myself wanting to retire here, but a good portion of the rest of my adult life would be fine.

The setup I have now is ideal, to me - out of the city in a nice house, 2 blocks from the train, an easy commute.

Today I had some free time and found myself walking all over town, unconsiously retracing steps from years gone by.

I stood outside the theatre where I had my first broadway callback, not realizing where I was going when I walked there.

I grabbed coffee at a restaurant in The Village where I took my first date in NYC when I was like 22 or 23. Didn't even realize it was that place until I was leaving.

I walked by the building where a girl I fell vainly in love with lived once; had a smiling memory of an ill-timed, late-night, stolen rooftop kiss - framed six years ago when it happened on one side by the Empire State Building and one side by the WTC towers. I'd just stepped off the subway when I realized I was there - on my way to a friend's apartment.

It's a big city for that many unintentional nostalgia trips in one day.

Well, auditions are going very well - knock on virtual wood - so must go to bed to get up for a callback in the morning.

Okay, true believers, Monday I'm heading back to New York for a bit. Auditions, etc., are calling. Other than that I've got little on the docket...

So if you want to get together...

Call me, write me, whatever - I've got the time if you do.

Monday night is a very important night; using some of my currently abundant free time to join in THE LYSISTRATA PROJECT.

If you're a theatre professional as well, look into it.

Here's the link:
http://www.pecosdesign.com/lys/spearhead.html