Do it to it

Today, we reached Muscat, Oman, without interference by the mighty Iranian Navy.

More to tell later, but for now suffice to say that being here has opened my eyes a great deal and that this may well be in my top five favorite ports of the world. It puts a lot of things into perspective, and makes me realize that things like the controversy a few years back in which the Dubai Ports Authority was denied a contract to run a major US port because they're an Arabian Country is like denying a European country a contract because Hitler was from there. Dubai Ports run ISRAELI ports, for goodness sake... if THEY trust them... anyway. I have had my horizons tangibly broadened lately.

The more important thing, the thing I sat down to write about on this late night, and the thing I think most of you will find most informative:

Mountain Dew around the world, a comparison.

It is hard to find Mountain Dew in most places outside the US. It is like gold when you do find it, you hoard it as best you can. Lately, I have been in a few ports where it is available.

First, let me point out that it - and every other soda - is better tasting, cleaner tasting outside the US manufacture because it is made with actual sugar instead of corn syrup. This makes a difference, it really does. That can't be helped inside the US, and thank the corn and sugar lobbies for making that true. Seriously, read up on it. . . I digress...

In Russia, you can say "Mountain Dew" without much response, but if you say what amounts to "Mee-untin Diuh" they know what you mean. Same thing, just with an accent. Seriously.

In Spain, their Mountain Dew is rare and a little bit bitter, relatively speaking.

Recently, I found Mountain Dew in China and India - my first experiences with it since the USA last year. Anyway, it's pretty much same same in China, but in India... well, let's compare and contrast India's Mountain Dew with Oman's.

The small can above is the 300ml Indian version. They cannot handle their highly caffeinated beverages, it seems, which is odd because I drank coffee at a lot of coffee shops there, and bought some nice fresh coffee beans there. In Oman, the Arabian version is 355ml, which proves that they are indeed a good a decent people worthy of our respect.

Happy Birthday

I just ran across this photo in my stuff from Kenya... this will likely be the winner in my worldwide "photos of irony" work.

Tell me you see it.

So hoist up the John Bs sail

India. First Cochin, then an overnight in Mumbai (Bombay to most of us – they changed the name in 1996 and the rest of the world didn’t pay attention. I still say Bombay.)

I nearly wrote a post after my day in Cochin, but I decided to give India another chance. Perhaps Bombay will be more… I don’t know. Or less… something. I don’t want to say too much because I could easily insult an entire country… but I have never been in a place where more people have behaved in such a horrid, disgusting manner toward foreigners. About 33% of those people we’ve run across have not been at LEAST aggressively opportunistic about trying to cheat you out of some money – not to mention those who simply are quite physically aggressive as they are begging. I wrote a big long entry detailing the shouting matches over the course of the day with the cab driver who wouldn’t take us where we wanted to go after a point because he didn’t get kickbacks from those places… the groups of young boys who physically accosted my friend Lindsey (after the cabbie had done so to my friend Hillary)… the fistfight between cabdrivers outside the port over $1… and the redemption of the day at a restaurant called “Khyber” where I ate my weight in Naan breads. It all seemed so dull, so I’ll list pros and cons of the day:

PROS:

I had a monkey on my head.

I was in Ghandi’s house.

The giant city laundry, acres of… laundry, in the middle of a city of 15 million people.

The whole cast plus some shoppies and others went out to dinner at a place called Khyber where Corinne bought me dinner as partial “payment” for helping her with her video demo reel.

The cab driver Mallorie, Corinne, and I had for the evening – Raj.

CONS:

The cab driver Hillary, Lindsey, Rosie and I had all day – Johnny.

The fact that I never saw the Calaba art district thanks to Johnny.

… lots of things attributable to Johnny, except maybe the plus that I had a number of shouting matches with a cab driver in India who repeatedly tried to cheat and mislead us.

Anyway… we’re headed to Muscat, Oman, now. I have only recently realized how close I am going to Iran. Look at your maps, folks – see how close I’m going to the Original Middle Eastern Bad Guys. ™

I’m not entirely happy about that, but we’ll… see how that goes. I will go on record as saying that I do not wish to go to Iran.

By the way, I'm supposed to say... Luis, if you’re reading this, write your girlfriend! Corinne misses you!

Pics: Outside the Jain Temple . Read carefully. There is a monkey on my head, and a red dot on my forehead... I don't know what either of them mean.
My "Omega" James Bond watch is still going strong.
Acres and acres of laundry. This is really more interesting (and disgusting) than it sounds.

I don't remember growing older

Two entries in one day? Yes, 'tis true. Tonight, there was an unexpectedly amazing sunset, coincidentally as we held an outdoor "sundown" party for guests on the crew deck, deck 12, and the mooring deck simultaneously. Above, I channel Mr. Rourke from Fantasy Island as I look over the bow at the Bay of Bengal... the Indian Ocean.
Corinne, Joe, Mallorie, and I had to sing with the band from the mooring deck as the sun went down. We sang various sings about suns and moons and sunsets and nights and days... with a little Bali Hai from Corinne and Mal and Some Enchanted Evening from me mixed in by captain's request. That is an awesome sunset, Vanessa.

This is another in my "pictures of irony" series. Can you tell why? We're never allowed on the mooring deck - no one besides deck crew is - but tonight it was also the techs, the band, and the singers. The sunset was amazing. Anyway...

Pictorial randomalia

Petronas Twin Towers, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
The picture I didn't post earlier of the Jade Buddha Temple in Shanghai... with the dork n the frame.
One of my new custom-made suits from Hong Kong... you can't really make it out much here. Might replace this one.
Rice paddies in Vietnam. . .

No point to this, just... I have to admit I have a feeling most closely akin to "senioritis"- that feeling you get when you're about to graduate from school, where you just can't be bothered with anything, apathy sets in, etc. - about being on the ship right now. I'm not alone in this, after such a long time on we have to pace ourselves about the rest of the contract. There are many more great places to see... well, a few... and some nice familiar ports in the Med, and then... the crossing, and home.

Sigh.

Siam's gonna be the witness

Yes, yes, some of you ventured the first, obvious part of what I was referring to. OBVIOUSLY it's "One Night in Bangkok..." but what I was looking for was the reference to Murray Head. Anyway... BANGKOK.Here I am, trying to steal the sword from a statue at the Temple of the Reclining Buddha. I did not succeed, and the statue continued to look smug.
Here am I, reclining near the reclining Buddha. It's huge, and all it ever does is lay around, watch DVDs, and get its picture taken by tourists.
This is the nifty hotel the ship set us up in. I was very jazzed to discover, when I arrived, that some error they'd made before I arrived had made them decide to upgrade my room, which gave me an AMAZING view from the 18th floor... until I disvocered that Mallorie and Corinne's room had also been upgraded, and THEY got a BALCONY.
The above photo proves that Buddhists understand irony.
Safely back to the ship from Bangkok, I celbrate St. Patrick's Day with a Guinness and an "O Danny Boy" with the band. This is out of order - these photos are so frickin' hard to upload from here I can't be bothered to sort them as well.
Tuk tuks, tuk tuks, tuk tuks! Everywhere a tuk tuk! My experience in Sri Lanka did not put me off these wonderful, $1/hour transports... zipping through the insanity of Thai traffic would've been a pain without them.
A photo from my Nikon D70s (had to mention that again) on the aforementioned balcony with Mallorie and Corinne.
On our way to Bangkok.
Sunset, as seen from my window. Not my balcony - I didn't have one.
This is the second night market we went to. The first one was much more touristy and in the area that most of you will think of when you hear of Bangkok - the one with the...um... shows, and friendly lady/boys, etc... yeah. Bangkok is a smelly, smelly city, by the way.

Okay... more photos to come... on our way "back," generally speaking. Kuala Lampur tomorrow, Penang the day after... then India. gotta run...

I am he as you are he

Updated - now with WORDS...This is at the Jade Buddha Temple in Shanghai. I know these are supposed to be lions, but they look more like demon-possessed lhasa apsos.
There's another of this exact picture with a big dopey me standing in the middle of it. I opted to post this one because, honestly, I just ruin everything.
I really enjoyed the temple even though I was bitten right outside by one of the stone dog/lion/dragon things that guard the entrance. His name is "Byt Yu."

That is perhaps the most horrible joke I have ever repeated.
At the beginning of the world cruise, they had for some reason stored dozens of small tress in the hallways of deck three. Why? I don't know, but it provided good cover for wild jungle beasts, stalking their unsuspecting prey...
Here I am at the night market in Hong Kong, sitting at some random outdoor eatery. Corinne and Mallorie often give me that questioning, "are you real, and are you really doing/saying that?" look. This is how we get along.
I have used chopsticks before, and while I never felt "proficient" I also never HAD to use them. Lately, it's often been the case that if you don't use chopsticks you don't eat. I am now so good, I even use them to drink soda. The other day, I incapacitated a mugger using only chopsticks*.

I tried to post these several times before finally meeting with any success. I hate the onboard internet. Inconsistent! Today... I leave for One Night In Bangkok. I wonder if I will meet Murray Head? Anyone who gets that reference earns a no-prize, and anyone who gets the "no-prize" reference gets a... sense of achievement?

*The sentence marked here is entirely untrue.

Taking fire from the treeline! Charlie at three o'clock!

Yes, from the subject line you may have deduced that I was in Vietnam today. In country.

I was very excited to meet Rambo, Chuck Norris, Forrest Gump and Lieutenant Dan, Dana Delany and her crew from China Beach (which we were not far from), all those people we've watched in action in Vietnam over the years.

Today was a bit surreal. We ported in Chen May - middle of f'in nowhere, 45 min-1 hour from Da Nang or "Marble Mountain," our shuttle took us to... crap... Lang Co or something. A resort in the middle of this tiny impoverished hamlet. You ventured out of the resort (which of course I did) and you were immediately encountering beggars. Nothing out there close was interesting enough to see for me to deal with that, so I returned to my unit and after we all had lunch near the beach (Vietnamese White Coffee is perhaps my new favorite thing in the world... damn...*) we headed back to the LZ for extraction at 1430hrs.

All the way to and from the resort to the ship, it is absolutely the Vietnam you saw in war movies... the rice paddies, the mountains and jungles in the background... hamlets here and there, just incredible. It's maybe the only place I've ever been that was exactly as I've seen it portrayed, in part at least. Anyway, it was our only day in Vietnam and honestly is was a horrible place to port. We were going to do Saigon (as a "surprise") but were delayed two hours and it wouldn't work with the tides. To go to a beach resort, your typical beach resort, in Vietnam seems like a big giant waste of opportunity to me. I didn't see or do anything of real cultural import.

There are a lot of vendors set up outside the ship, and as this is one of the biggest marble producing areas in the world they were selling all kinds of marble-crafted items in addition to various knick-knacks... no magnets, though! I will not have a Vietnam magnet. Bah!

The vendors were good, though - they were asking all the crew where they were from and if they had any money from their home countries. Apparently, four or five of them collect currency from around the world (like me) and they were willing to give a lot in exchange for things they didn't have. I have a lot of extra coincs and stuff, so after I had my look-see and bought a gift or two for home, I went in and came back out to distribute whatever small denominations of currencies I needed to get rid of - bills that wouldn't be worth the commission to convert, coins, etc... it really seemed to make some of them very excited to get the 2 dollar coins from Hong Kong (about 25-30 cents I think) and though I got a couple of small jars of tiger balm from one of exchange for a few coins he didn't have, it was mostly nice just to hand them out to these vendors. Not because I'm some philanthropist, but because compared to every single market vendor we've dealt with lately, they were so much less pushy, so much more genuinely friendly, and ... more honest. You could tell some of the NEEDED this. Not like in some places where they put on a show of poverty or needing the money, but just... you could tell doing well today would make a difference to them. I do not need a Vietnam hat or T-Shirt, but when the lady selling them obviously needs the $3 she's asking for them, why not?

Random, blathering entry.

My next stop will make a hard man humble - not much between despair and ecstasy. My next stop will make the tough guys tumble, can't be too careful with your company. I can feel an angel sliding up to me...

*Vietnamese white coffee is a small drink made from slowly-made (not pressured) espresso strength coffee, condensed milk, and then poured over ice to drink. It's ph-friggin'nominal and is the best way to make coffee ever, bar none.

Hong Kong Phooey, Numbuh One Supuh Guy...

So... things to report, in chronological order, some in non-narrative form due to time constraints.

-The Sri Lanka story ends with me being robbed in a very odd way, at knifepoint. It all happened in such a way that I really didn't think of it as a "robbery" per se until afterward... then I realized. I only lost $40 and I could've/should've lost more. There was haggling involved. Yes, it's gotten to the point that I will now haggle with a couple of robbers in Sri Lanka. It's a great story, and it's well worth the $40 I paid to live it. If another taxi driver had come up to me and said, at the gate, "That's $20 to drive you around for a couple of hours, show you the sights of Colombo, and then back to the ship, or for $40 we'll make you think you may be kidnapped, demand money from you, threaten you for a prolonged period of time at knifepoint, and 'rob' you, all before leaving you near your shuttle bus pickup point," I'd have taken the latter option.

-More bad news... this one is due to my own absolute stupidity. I bought a new digital camera onboard to replace the one that died in the African desert. I had it for a week then I left it in the open side pocket of my messenger bag as I went out for the day in Shanghai. By the time I got to a taxi, it was already gone. Well done, pickpockets of Shanghai! Enjoy the 1GB worth of photos of my life, which is undoubtedly more interesting than yours. Bastards.

- Even all that considered, Shanghai was a blast... but pales in comparison to today in... HONG KONG. I will have many photos (from my old, old camera) up of my first experience with a tailor. I have bought suits before and had them tailored, but the suits I'm getting here (at GREAT prices) are being made, fitted, and designed for me. Awesome. I have bought many gifts in SHanghai and Hong Kong, I will likely not spend much the rest of the contract. But man o man between the DVDs, the souvenirs, and the wagering on monkey gladiator fights, I'm going broke.

Okay, gotta run. I have a suit fitting at 4pm... then a second in the morning, then I pick up my suits!!! Awesome.

The new beard has gotten rave reviews here, people are always telling me not to shave it, saying I look "very distinguished," "older and more intelligent,"(was that one a compliment?), and my personal favorite "like a Jedi." Anyway, I am thinking of shaving it. It's a pain in the butt and while I do like the look of it, I'm a bit weary of the constant trimming. I guess none of you have really SEEN it, so... nevermind.

Shanghai'd

SHANGHAI!!!

There is much to tell lately, and I know I didn't finish my Sri Lanka story a couple of entries ago. Sorry. Will do. SHANGHAI! THREE DAYS! Woo hoo!

Much to tell... will do so soon.

Me, Me, Me, Superstar....

NO time to blog or write lately... rehearsals for the world cruise shows, a nightly comedy/music cabaret in one of the specialty restaurants, Singapore, Brunei, Manila, etc...

But a few nights ago there was a great crew party, "celebrity" themed... I won best costume, and you might be able to tell who I was from this... I was not only Jesus, but FUTURE Jesus... That's just like regular Jesus but with Terminator sunglasses and a laser gun. In 2507, Jesus finally returns to find the world in conflict with the aliens from the Najannja nebula. In the picture above, that's me and a coincidentally found devil. I also have a photo with the friggin' Roman soldier that was at the party - what are the chances of that, seriously?